i once thought that having a roommate that played the guitar would be great.  that was until he started playing the electric guitar while i was trying to study for finals. 

 When I wake up in the morning, I never know what kind of classroom antics await me:

Professor: "Austin, what are you doing to your computer?"
Austin: "I'm trying to fix my "g" button, " he sighs as he fuddles with the keys on his laptop.
Professor: "You're what?"
Austin: "Trying to fix my "g" button!"
Ruth, from across the room: "I am too, Austin.  I'm trying to fix my g-button too."

 engineer's guide to the cat:

I got to play doctor today!!  They gave us a fake plastic dog leg to prepare for surgery.  We got to don caps and masks and walk around the hospital in our scrubs.  I've worn scrubs many times before but this time I finally felt like a potential doctor...scary but awesome.  Tomorrow, we get to start examining live animals....woot woot.  I'm finally out of the classroom.

Of course, later, I almost wished to be in culinary school and playing chef.  After working and my step aerobics class, I came home and cooked up some granola bars and a couple spoonfuls (ok, three) of frosting (left over from the cupcakes I made for my friend's birthday...that was dinner last night).  It kind of reminded me of those snacks I used to have in elementary school....I think they were called Dunkaroos.  My mom would have been appalled, especially when I drank milk straight from the jug, but this is one of the perks of being in your twenties, right?  I became a little depressed though when I realized I probably could have accomplished the same goal if I had skipped my step class, ate an apple, and went to sleep....that would have been easier.  Regret...one of the perks of being in your twenties, right?

 as finals approach, we take desperate measures to avoid studying.  i just received the following from my classmate:

"i'm so tired of studying, and yet i don't really feel like i've done
anything yet. i spent a lot of time today looking at my neighbors with
binoculars...they are pretty damn boring."

 i've gone over to the dark side, specifically the dark roast side.  for the very first time i bought coffee, ground it, and used my roommate's espresso machine to make myself a cup of coffee.  i'm one step closer to becoming my two-cup-of-coffee-every-morning-of-my-life mother.  this would bother me more but upcoming finals call for desperate measures.

on the upside, i discovered the best day to go grocery shopping is the day after thanksgiving despite what all the retail stores might be doing. 

 I just had a gluten-free, soy chocolate chip cookie fresh from the oven.  Although they have the look of goodness about them, they are pure evil inside.  A wolf in sheep's clothing if you ask me.  And afterward I was paralyzed with indecision as I held a cookie that tasted awful yet was all warm and gooey.  Thankfully my roommate came along and ate it for me.  But l hope you earn from my mistake....it's not a pleasant one to make.

 Although I generally try to ignore farm animal practices because of lack of sensitivity towards animals, this one particularly horrified me.  Today, my professor told us that when piglets are suffering from a bacterial disease causing diarrhea, it is custom to grind up the dead bodies and feed it to the sows as a form of vaccination.

Sick.

So I'm taking my gross anatomy practical exam this morning and what does the prof just happen to tag for us??  The clitoris of a horse.  Of course, at the time, I thought to myself, "What is this??  Wait, where are we?!?  Rectum...no....vestibule...maybe??  Could this be the clitoris?  I remember reading about it but I've never seen it."

And then I was struck by the irony of the situation.

I think that every Starbucks coffee cup should come with a warning that goes something like this:

WARNING!!!
This substance is addictive.  Drinking this will lead to frivolous spending in the face of sleep deprivation or emotional crises (eg final exams) and to the consumption of endless empty calories.  You will become a helpless slave to this drink and to this company, and you will hate yourself for it.  THIS BEVERAGE WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL!

I'm sending it off to Starbucks coffee company right now for their consideration. 

i learned a few things by accident today, and i feel i need to enlighten everyone.

1. don't snort cinnamon. it's not a good idea.
2. don't get your heel caught in your dance partner's knee brace. you tend to go flying.
3. don't call your neighbor's cat over to pet it and leave your front door wide open. it will run up your stairs and hide underneath your bed. you now have a new pet.

almost everyday i fall asleep in class despite the best efforts of diet mountain dew. i realize that this is a problem. what i didn't realize until today is how many of my fellow students watch me fall asleep in class. some of the comments i've received:

"When you fall asleep, you drop your pen and then that wakes you up...it's a vicious cycle."

"I like it when you wake up suddenly and just start highlighting. Do you even know what you're highlighting?"

"Don't worry. I'd wake you up if there was a fire."

And my professor said, "There's two of you that fall asleep everyday during my class." The other girl is getting tested for narcolepsy.

the extra credit question on my physiology final today was:

What is the meaning of life? Give three examples. Be specific.

I was so exhausted by the time I got there that I couldn't think of anything funny to write. And then I started freaking out.... How specific do I need to be? What exactly is he looking for?? Should I write a narrative???

This is beyond control.

somehow, in two very confusing minutes, the head of the biomedical science department got me to say yes to serving as the student representative for the school's infectious disease committee. i really have no idea what this means but chances are i'm going to regret it. he's a conversational wizard.

i've had many a person ask me what colours (i feel smarter if i write with a british accent) dogs and cats see....so here's my definitive answer:

DOGS:
have more rods than humans so see better in the dark
see yellow, blues, and greys
similar to red-green colour blind person (red appears yellow to dog)
ability to see detail is 6x poorer than average human (don't ask him to do any typing)

CATS:
see in fuzzy pastels

CATS AND DOGS RESPOND TO BLUE AND YELLOW BEST (which i why i often find them gazing into the sky)

but really how will be ever know....i must find the bush's baked beans dog and ask him.

why, if i'm in VET SCHOOL, do i need to know what parkinson's disease is or what effect LSD has on the brain? how many dogs do you know of that regularly take LSD? it's not as if in med schools across the nations, professors are saying, "Tylenol makes a great pain reliever but don't give it to your cat because it could destroy the cat's liver."

and why do most physicians not know what the word zoonotic means?? ... .... ... .. meh, school sucks.

i went to the grocery store today. i went in to buy whipped cream. i came out with:

the fixings for chili
hummus and pita chips
fish marinade

i need a grocery supervisor.

why do my roommates put something in the microwave and then leave so that when the time is up, the microwave continues to beep and beep and beep? don't they have any consideration for my lazy, tired-of-studying ass?

i wonder if they grasp the concept that once something is heated up, over time it will fall back to ambient temperature.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

i sawed into a skull yesterday, and today i cut a brain into slices like a loaf of bread.....sometimes school can be good.